LOVING DEEPLY CAN BE DIFFICULT

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8 NIV)

Peter are you kidding me? This hurts, that's how I know I've invested with no return. Some days I wonder if this is even possible among christian women. My heart aches when I realize how much time I've given to relationships only to be discarded for another, like a jilted lover. I realize that if you don't run in the same circles or suck up to others, you are rendered excluded. But I've come to the conclusion that I have erred in my broken thinking with some women I've let into my life. There have been heartache upon heartache and I'm tired. Tired of making deposits and not being able to withdraw. Tired of pretending that it doesn't hurt, that everything is great. Tired of hearing people say they love and care for me, but not seeing or experiencing it.
 Tired of accepting less than what I deserve. Tired of making excuses for others because we're sisters in faith, (Christians).
Who on earth would continue to invest where there's no return? You would change, wouldn't you? Well that's what I'm intending to do going forward.  It almost feels like I need to interview, and lay down some ground rules for my relationships. Yes, I'll cry and I'll beat upon myself for a bit, but I'll be moving forward a little wiser than before. I will not stop loving, giving and sharing my life with others. I will however be cautious of whom I'm letting in, and make my intentions known upfront. Not everyone is allowed access to our hearts ladies, take some time, get to know who they really are and what expectations you both have of each other. We must allow Our Father’s love to permeate our hearts, clearing away the debris left from previous relationships. Then with the help of the Holy Spirit we will be much better making such decisions. I know by the way things affect me that I do have some lingering issues and I also know by the way others treat me that they're fighting some things as well. Ladies, let us intentionally receive God's unconditional love, work through our stuff, so the hurting can cease or at least be minimal.  Peter, you do have something there after all, we can't "Love deeply" without loving God and receiving His love in our hearts by faith. There is a risk of hurt and or disappointment in others but we must risk in order to experience God’s best for us.

SISTERHOOD - Desolate is what happens when we fear to risk or reach out in Love

The sisterhood is a powerful force among women, especially in the body of Christ. The enemy knows this, and that's why he is determined to keep authentic female to female relationships declining. Simply put, women are lonely because we fear to be vulnerable. My heart breaks as I see this happening more and more in our churches. I count myself in this declining group and had I not lived  this experience I wouldn't believe this existed among christian women. Two women from influential families in scripture would let us know no one is exempted.

Tamar was King David's daughter and Dinah was Jacob's.  Genesis 34 gives us a narrative of the life of Dinah, she lived in a home where there were women, which included her mother and aunt. Yet she lacked support and encouragement. Leaving home to seek out female relationships elsewhere proved detrimental. I wonder what her legacy would have been if she had someone to talk with as she walked through the difficult situations in her life. There seems to be a lack of compassion for those who are struggling to find their way through life's difficult circumstances. And what about Tamar, after she was raped by one brother and the another brother instructed her to stay silent come live in his house. [2 Samuel 13] We see this account in verse 20,  "And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman." Can you imagine what that must have been like for the King's daughter to be shrugged off and tossed aside not having anyone to let her know that what happened to her does not define her.  How in the world two daughters from two of the most influential patriarchs of the Old Testament ended up DESOLATE? It's hard to believe that in David's kingdom there wasn't one person that could've reached out to the his daughter. What a turn around that would have brought to her life and other women of her time. It's so important for us as women to support each other with presence, being able to look a sister in the eyes, put your arm around her and even let her shed a tear or two is vital.
I feel a little like Tamar, I've not been raped, but had some hurtful situations by those I trusted. The worst part is that feeling of discouragement that seem endless. I must be honest, there have been a couple of friends but they didn't support me in the way I needed and I didn't want to seem to needy so I stayed silent. People try to be there the best they could but I've learned not to open up to others, that way I'm safe from judgement. So I suffered in silence, and gave up on ministry not because I couldn't or didn't want to do it anymore, but fear there might not be support. It's been almost two years since the last ministry event and it would seem no one much cared. Last November I decided to get my feet wet again by having a breakfast, of the fifteen invited only two people showed up including a family member. Some didn't even respond. Pretty much everyone was busy.  I made nice as if it was well, but I felt like a failure, letdown by people who seemed sincere about supporting me, and most of all by God. I thought to myself, maybe I'm being punished. I felt like  ministry was over for me. I thought maybe I'd missed my time and it was now time for others. When I saw others taking off in their ministries, I felt left behind and a little jealous too. I prayed asking God to show me what I did wrong, and how I could get back on course, why women seemed to be running in the opposite direction when He's called me to minister to them. To be honest God seemed silent to me. To be honest, it was hard to hear Him over the negative chatter. I had moments where I believed it was going to get better but that would fade. Thank God I had enough scripture inside and one person who kept checking on me.
I know a bit of what Tamar and Dinah felt as day after day they waited for someone to call or drop by to see how they were. I waited for an apology that never came, I wrote a letter of apology with no response. I waited for someone to inquire why I stopped ministry, but again no one did. After a while I stopped expecting anything. The more I whined about it the worse I felt and the inside chatter was deafening. I started going to event to get connected, or to be noticed, but that didn't work either. I met several women that I felt a connection with, thought these were God connections, but they drifted away. I started to feel like a failure too ashamed to ask for help. I push past fear one day and reach out to someone but felt misunderstood, that's when I decided to suck it up and keep it in. My family would ask about ministry but I would make up something and they too didn't seem to care much since they were busy with themselves. Some days I just wanted to talk with a friend and not hear them quote a scripture, Just to talk about life and it's challenges. When my husband had surgery March 2013, I crave female relationship that never showed up, I mean presence.  I was having one of those crappy weeks when I read the following tweet by Sally Clarkson, "Taking initiative and calling a friend will transform hearts." I responded, "Wish it was that easy." She responded, "Praying for you today." With that, I called someone and ask for prayer, it was a humbling experience but worth it non the less. I needed to know I mattered and yes I need the SISTERHOOD, I am determined not to die DESOLATE as Tamar did. I want to live the abundant life Jesus came to give me [John 10:10]. One day I just surrendered all the crap, yes crap, I was holding onto to God. Days later I got a call inquiring how I was doing, that was an encouraging start as a result  making a conscious decision to let it go, and continually so. After listening to Bishop Jakes speaking about "INSTINCT" and reading Pastor Furtick's book, "Crash The Chatterbox". I realize that I was allowing my past to keep me in a cage and from moving forward when I've already been APPROVED, by what Jesus did on the cross. I've began my crawling out of my cage forward, at least maybe I'll crawl far enough to get a hold of a sister's hand and that takes risk and vulnerability.

GREIVE WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

John 14:16 “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever, the Spirit of truth.” NIV

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.” MSG

“Although we can’t go back and change circumstances or relationships that wounded us, we can go back and process our pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t heal from our hurts unless we do.” 

- Renee Swope 

Have you grieved for the happily-ever-after you longed for but didn’t have. Those

unfulfilled hopes can lead to bitter expectations. What if I wasn’t molested? How would my life be different if I had different parents or had my dad in my life growing up? These are some of the questions that haunt us from day to day, and year after year. As christian women, how do we move forward having these unfulfilled hopes and dreams? Many of us have been sold a bag of goods that say, when we accept Christ everything becomes new, all our past is gone. While the scripture says you are a new creature, we were not told that it was our spirit that has been renewed and our flesh now has to go through a process. Yes, process is a word you won’t hear often in church. I found out that there is a process that the church have missed and continues to miss. I heard a quote that spoke to me, it gave me the practical answer I’ve been looking for.

“Until you are healed from the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work, and religion, but eventually it will ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wound, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain and the memory, and make peace with it.” - Iyanla Vanzant

{Emphasis mine}

I know what most people are thinking, wow this is good. I was blown away when I heard it myself, it allowed me to see in a practical way how I can “Get over my past” as it is  said so flippantly in church sometimes. I see how I can let go of those unfulfilled hopes that is tied to past negative experiences. We’ve been told to get over it so much it annoyed me, and when I asked what was meant by it, the answer was so deep it didn’t help. You see I was looking for something a little more practical and someone to walk me through as needed. It came across as “Just use the scripture and faith.” Some things are meant to be walked through with another.  Scripture talks a lot  about twos. I think of Jesus and His ministry, how He took time to disciple and counsel those He called. If that were not enough He told them upon leaving He would send them another counselor.  We need discipleship in the body of Christ today more than ever. Jesus knowing that we live in a fallen world made sure to set the example before us, added to that He sent us “The Counselor” to help us.  (“The Holy Spirit, will be your counselor.” Jn. 14:16-17a) We have decided that we know better than Him it would appear, and so we are in a spiritual rut.

A few years ago (17) I had to go for counseling with my pastor’s wife. I was at a crossroads in my life and anger was ruining my life and ruining my family. I went to talk with my pastor and he suggested I meet with and talk to his wife. I had no idea what to expect but I went. By this time I was already having flash backs of childhood sexual abuse. In the process she asked me to write letters to those who abuse and neglected me. I had no idea that my anger was tied into those past experiences. I thought it was my husband and children frustrating me. So one night I began writing and the more I wrote the angrier I got to the point of pressing into the paper so that you could read it three pages below. Not only that but my writing went out of the line down the page; after many hours a lot of tears I finished. I brought it to my next appointment and we prayed and cried after which I burned them. I have to be honest it didn’t seem to make sense, but I can honestly say some weight was lifted and my process began. Over time I was able to share publicly without feeling the sting or the shame of sexual abuse. 

That time of counseling sent me on a journey that I thank God my pastor saw in me more than meets the eye. I thank God for pastors and leaders that take time to invest their time in the lives of those they are put in charge of. It was those times at the alter, speaking over my life the things I couldn't even fathom then, but in time those words sank deep down into my heart. That’s where my passion comes from, it’s seeing women where I was back then, going to church Sunday to sunday, just existing. They love the Lord and they serve the ministry but no desire to move into a intimate relationship with Him. Going through my process made me realize that it’s worth it to feel the pain of getting the healing. 

I’ve come to realize that this christian walk is a process that never ends. I am constantly being  pruned and cultivated round about, and sometimes I think why am I going through this? The question is Why not? Everything in the earth realm go through cycles, humans are the only ones who question and fight it. No one loves pain but in reality pain is a must in the process of healing, just ask anyone who’s had any kind of surgery on the road to recovery. As we approach the end of 2011 and the beginning  of 2012, I encourage, no I beg you to ask the Holy Spirit’s help to in releasing those issues of your past that keeps you stuck in a rut of spiritual mediocrity and into the fullness of God’s best for you. He has a plan for you that far outweighs the one you wish for yourself. (Jeremiah 29:11)

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT - WOMAN TO WOMAN

I posted an article regarding a subject that's dear to my heart over the weekend. I'm not sure how many of you got it but I would like for you to leave a comment so I can hear your heart. Let's have a conversation about women to women in the Body of christ. Who knows maybe we will come up with some great ideas on how we can better serve each other. If you did not receive the article please let me know and I'll send it to you. Can we talk woman to woman?
Blessings
Marjorie.

Woman To Woman

Hi Sisters, it's been a long time since you've heard from me. I've had a lot on my mind lately and thought why not share them with you. A year ago last fall I went to a women's conference in Atlanta alone, mainly because I didn't have a friend who was able to go with me. I made up my mind that come what may I'm going, so off I went. I am so glad I did because God showed up in so many ways. I had women reaching out to me from every side. I was amazed by their willingness to go out of their way for a stranger. But after all I wasn't a stranger, I was their sister from Toronto. In one case my Atlantan sister didn't know where I was from when she reached out and took my hand squeezing it during the a service as tears ran down my cheeks, she was letting me know that she was there for me in that moment. Being met with such love, encouragement and acceptance reassured me of God's love for me.

Unfortunately that does not happen everyday and in every church. Women are starved emotionally needing a friend. (What I call A sista friend) It saddens me that we are not experiencing this kind of unconditional love and support from our sisters in the Lord more often. There is such a longing for love and acceptance in the body of Christ among women today that is unnecessary because it doesn't take much. A few minutes of your undivided attention will go a long way. The women in the New Testament certainly knew how important it was to support each other. Almost every time we see them they were in groups, they cried together at the cross and even at the grave. It was Jesus who brought them together and after His ascension their relationships continued.

Busy is the buzz word in church today, too busy to see what's going on around us. With cell phones and computers we don't seem to find it necessary to speak face to face as much. Though we have phones we don't talk as much as we text. How are we to minister to each other through text? Do you know how I really feel when you're only reading my words on your computer or phone? There is nothing like another sister's shoulder to cry on, especially one who there and understands. Sometimes she doesn't understand but there is such a connection that she reaches out and touches you exactly where you hurt by the work of the Holy Spirit. When that kind of connection happens the devil is in trouble.

The bible says "says two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor."(Ecclesiastes 4:9) I like the word labor here, because it denotes work. Look at this definition of labor - The process by which childbirth occurs, beginning with contractions of the uterus and ending with the expulsion of the infant and the placenta. If it's one thing we women who have given birth know, it's how to labor. We must as sisters in Christ labor with each other until she gets a breakthrough. We have to become midwives for each other, because there are times we want to give up before the baby comes and that could put the baby in jeopardy. There are some things inside of us that if we just get together and begin to encourage each other to bear down and PUSH we will see some awesome women of God emerge with unimaginable ministries. Jesus said, "If two of you agree on earth concerning anything they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven". (Matthew 18:19) I think you are getting the picture, too many ministries have been stuck in the birth canal, why not come into agreement with your sister and encourage her to push until ministry is birth. I hope you hear my heart. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to a sister, wrap your arms around her if she'll let you, or take hold of her hand and gently squeeze it, letting her know you are there for her. God richly bless you my Sisters.

BECOMING MORE FRUITFUL!

JOHN 15:8,16

 "You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear  fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.

This summer I decided that I was going to be diligent in my gardening. You can imagine this has been hard work, but what has been helpful is the thought that in the long run it will pay off. In fact I’m starting to enjoy some vegetables already!

A few days ago I was gazing at the garden and noticed that it was time to give support to the tomatoes. As I looked at the different plants that were coming up I realize that each one needed some kind of support and nurturing. The tomatoes needed a different kind of support from the beans, zucchini cucumber and beets. Tomatoes need something to lean on while beans and cucumber need something to climb and wrap around. Zucchini need room enough to spread out it’s large leafs and while some do well in the shade others do better in the sun.

I realized that it was my responsibility to give the specific support needed, because I chose, bought and planted these vegetables. As an amateur gardener, it is my responsibility to educate myself concerning these plants. I must know what’s in my garden and how to take care of it In order to secure the best possible fruit. I must also be diligent also in cultivating and pulling up the weeds in the garden. The plants can’t do this themselves.

In the same way, Jesus is saying we did not choose Him but rather He chose us and planted us in the Kingdom. He knows where each of us belong and what kind of fruit we are called to bear.  He knows who needs exactly what and precisely when. As we begin to grow some need a trellis right away to climb on, others can wait until fruit appears and so needing the support to lean on.

Even as weed come up in our lives Jesus as our gardener knows when its time to pull them up by the roots with the help of the Holy Spirit. The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is that He, our ultimate helper is able to be whatever we need Him to be at the time. We can lean on Him; we can climb up on Him and wrap ourselves around Him for support. In essence He’s our gardener. The tragedy is that we seem to want to stand alone bearing the weight of the fruit and the enemy is having a field day eating up our labor. Jesus said when He left earth that He would send a helper for us.  As Jesus has brought us into His kingdom, He will be faithful to His responsibility to take care of us.  That’s why the Holy Spirit is here. It is needless for us to struggle on our own, with the result of bearing little to no fruit.   

I have noticed something about gardening, and that is if I don’t give the support needed to the plant there will be fruit, but not necessarily good fruit. You see the worms would get to it first and ruin it. After the worms get into the fruit it’s no longer considered good fruit. This reinforces the need for us to draw on the help of the Holy Spirit to secure the quality of our fruit.

Something else that occurred to me was that these plants were all planted in the same garden about the same time, subject to the same sun, rain, and water I would spray on them. However some developed faster than others. Some had the signs of fruit and yet we haven’t been able to eat of it yet, still some that seemed slow at the beginning have yielded mature fruit that we have enjoyed already. In other words they matured at a different pace. We must refrain from judging those who are a little slower than us, whose fruit is not yet evident. Sometimes we can say things like “Wasn’t she there when Pastor taught on that subject? Or She’s been saved for three years and still need someone to help her?” We must realize that we are all different in the way we learn, understand and learn grow.

In recent years there have been several studies that show how children learn differently. Even for those of us who have children know that that they are different in the way they learn and so we don’t say to one “why can’t you be like your brother?” That’s like saying to the tomato plant, “Where is your bean?” We must allow the Holy Spirit to do His work and in due season we will see the fruit, matured. Jesus chose us to bear fruit in His kingdom and not only just fruit but also much fruit that will remain. Let us allow the Holy Spirit to help us. Whether we need to lean, climb or wrap ourselves around Him for support and protection in the various seasons of our life so that through our fruit the Father will be glorified. (John 15:8)

FOUR GIGGLING LITTLE GIRLS

Yesterday as I ministered at the alter four little girls came to me. I asked them how I could pray for them, and to my delight their request came almost all-together. "We are cousins and we just met and we want to stay in contact." As I looked at them, they were just giggling little  girls, so sweet and innocent.  I prayed for them as we huddled together and I could see their smiling faces looking at each other. Clearly this was love of the purest kind. After I prayed they burst into giggles and had lots of hugs for each other, I even got in on the hugs. You see two of the girls were visiting from Florida and the others live here in toronto. 

I thought to myself how sweet, Pastor Val just mentioned we should be childlike in our faith walk and the Lord allowed me to see and experience this before I left the building. Later as I watched them laugh and ran around hugging each other I couldn't help but think it seemed they knew each other forever. What had  seperated these four till now, we may never know. To them it didn't matter, they were together now and that's what mattered. They didn't have the baggage we adults seem to carry around, they just found commonality and that was enough. They found giggling girls like themselves. 

This month is designated to youth and children at Rhema, lets learn one of two things from our children. They think so simply and their faith is as they are, childlike. These girls thought enough of their new found relationship to ask God for help in maintaining it, wow. This childlike faith is rare among adults and that's partly the reason why we are not able to access the promises of God.

Many of us women are caring issues and hurts that continue to hinder us. Why not surrender them to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to help us forgive and release ourselves and those who have hurt us. In doing so we are able to move forward into purpose and destiny. It's worth it for those who are waiting.

Last year I heard Bishop Bismark said of the woman with the issue of blood. (Mark 5:25-34) She had to press through the crowd  to touch Jesus not just for herself, but also for the girl He would raise from the dead later. She was not to touch a priest neither should a priest touch a dead person. However all things work together for good. (Romans 8:28) Sometimes we can focus on our circumstances so much that we forget those who would benefit from our deliverance. What if this woman had said , "these people are cruel and I really shouldn't go near the crowd in my condition." We probably  wouldn't know about her or the girl. What story is not being written so the next generation can be inspired. It's time to write your story.