John 14:16 “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever, the Spirit of truth.” NIV
Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.” MSG
“Although we can’t go back and change circumstances or relationships that wounded us, we can go back and process our pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t heal from our hurts unless we do.”
- Renee Swope
Have you grieved for the happily-ever-after you longed for but didn’t have. Those
unfulfilled hopes can lead to bitter expectations. What if I wasn’t molested? How would my life be different if I had different parents or had my dad in my life growing up? These are some of the questions that haunt us from day to day, and year after year. As christian women, how do we move forward having these unfulfilled hopes and dreams? Many of us have been sold a bag of goods that say, when we accept Christ everything becomes new, all our past is gone. While the scripture says you are a new creature, we were not told that it was our spirit that has been renewed and our flesh now has to go through a process. Yes, process is a word you won’t hear often in church. I found out that there is a process that the church have missed and continues to miss. I heard a quote that spoke to me, it gave me the practical answer I’ve been looking for.
“Until you are healed from the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work, and religion, but eventually it will ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wound, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain and the memory, and make peace with it.” - Iyanla Vanzant
{Emphasis mine}
I know what most people are thinking, wow this is good. I was blown away when I heard it myself, it allowed me to see in a practical way how I can “Get over my past” as it is said so flippantly in church sometimes. I see how I can let go of those unfulfilled hopes that is tied to past negative experiences. We’ve been told to get over it so much it annoyed me, and when I asked what was meant by it, the answer was so deep it didn’t help. You see I was looking for something a little more practical and someone to walk me through as needed. It came across as “Just use the scripture and faith.” Some things are meant to be walked through with another. Scripture talks a lot about twos. I think of Jesus and His ministry, how He took time to disciple and counsel those He called. If that were not enough He told them upon leaving He would send them another counselor. We need discipleship in the body of Christ today more than ever. Jesus knowing that we live in a fallen world made sure to set the example before us, added to that He sent us “The Counselor” to help us. (“The Holy Spirit, will be your counselor.” Jn. 14:16-17a) We have decided that we know better than Him it would appear, and so we are in a spiritual rut.
A few years ago (17) I had to go for counseling with my pastor’s wife. I was at a crossroads in my life and anger was ruining my life and ruining my family. I went to talk with my pastor and he suggested I meet with and talk to his wife. I had no idea what to expect but I went. By this time I was already having flash backs of childhood sexual abuse. In the process she asked me to write letters to those who abuse and neglected me. I had no idea that my anger was tied into those past experiences. I thought it was my husband and children frustrating me. So one night I began writing and the more I wrote the angrier I got to the point of pressing into the paper so that you could read it three pages below. Not only that but my writing went out of the line down the page; after many hours a lot of tears I finished. I brought it to my next appointment and we prayed and cried after which I burned them. I have to be honest it didn’t seem to make sense, but I can honestly say some weight was lifted and my process began. Over time I was able to share publicly without feeling the sting or the shame of sexual abuse.
That time of counseling sent me on a journey that I thank God my pastor saw in me more than meets the eye. I thank God for pastors and leaders that take time to invest their time in the lives of those they are put in charge of. It was those times at the alter, speaking over my life the things I couldn't even fathom then, but in time those words sank deep down into my heart. That’s where my passion comes from, it’s seeing women where I was back then, going to church Sunday to sunday, just existing. They love the Lord and they serve the ministry but no desire to move into a intimate relationship with Him. Going through my process made me realize that it’s worth it to feel the pain of getting the healing.
I’ve come to realize that this christian walk is a process that never ends. I am constantly being pruned and cultivated round about, and sometimes I think why am I going through this? The question is Why not? Everything in the earth realm go through cycles, humans are the only ones who question and fight it. No one loves pain but in reality pain is a must in the process of healing, just ask anyone who’s had any kind of surgery on the road to recovery. As we approach the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I encourage, no I beg you to ask the Holy Spirit’s help to in releasing those issues of your past that keeps you stuck in a rut of spiritual mediocrity and into the fullness of God’s best for you. He has a plan for you that far outweighs the one you wish for yourself. (Jeremiah 29:11)
